“The Things We Keep”

by Orosil Santos

I keep the air conditioner at 74
I know how much you hated spending the extra money
I don’t eat on my bed anymore because I know how much you hated feeling crumbs when you slept
I express my feelings and speak my mind without impunity because I know how much you loved it 
I can’t stand Colgate toothpaste because I know you despised it
I’ll always order the grilled cheese because I know it’s the only thing you ate
I won’t make any noise at night because I know you hated being woken up
I’ll speak Spanish more often because I know you adored hearing it
I’ll surround myself with work because I know you hated it when I didn’t have a job
I’ll smoke less because I know you were always worried I’d end up like your father 
I’ll always laugh at the word, “titty” because I know you found it hilarious
I will try not to worry too much because it exhausted you

I’ll lay in my bed
Starving, entirely too hot, craving a cigarette, and exhausted from work because it’s what you would’ve wanted

They say you write what you’re most passionate about
If you can’t guess by now, then you’re a fool
je vais souffrir parce qu’il est la seule chose qui reste à faire