Need (Lindsey Stevens)

Forgive me, Father.
Take me back into your arms,
Like in greenville south carolina.
Because i’ve forgotten
Where im going
And I don’t where i began
Or where i wanted to end.
You would think this would be so much easier.
But i search for approval in
All the wrong places.
I forget how hard it is
To sleep comfortably
On someone elses chest.
The rise and fall sounds like
A laboring hurricane
That knows i shouldn’t be there
And rattles angrily at the weight
Of my wishes and hopes
That lie upon it.

Tears don’t grace my cheecks anymore
They’ve become the cheap whores
Who I’ve become used to seeing
Dripping down my face
In their walks of shame.

I got tired of washing my clothes
Because i’m so snot stained and bruised on the inside
That im sick of covering it up
With cleanliness that i pray
Will somehow seep into my bones
And bleach them back to white.
So that when i open my mouth
The doctor doesn’t see
A mess of jumbled up decay and yellowing.

Nothing is pretty anymore.
Time flies by like fragile
Iridescent butterfly wings
That cut silence thickly in half.
Nothing is sacred anymore.
Truths are torn from my sinews
By vultures picking my frame clean
Contaminating me with diseases
To feed their rapacious appetites
But no thought is thrown my way.
So i’ve learned to take it all
With a grain of salt and quiet whimper.

Hold me, Father.
And please learn to begin to start accpeting me as I am.
Because those red stains are enough to drive me back,
To the habits you didn’t know I had.
Because acceptance and love,
Was all I was ever looking for.
All I was ever hoping for,
In your eyes.
So, Forgive me, Father.
Because all I want are
What any little girl believes she needs.
Approval, acceptance, love and to be whole.
So that when she sees her reflection in others eyes
She can always be reminded that she is whole.
So, Forgive me, Father.

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